The Next Big Thing

My good friend Lois Greiman asked me a few questions about the Next Big Thing in my life. It's a popular interview going around the blogoshere with authors. It's kind of like a promotional pyramid scheme for authors. It's fun, and basically, we're hoping to entice you to buy our books. So here goes.

What is the Working Title of Your Book? Murder by Chance (actually that’s the title. I am currently not working on a project I’d like to announce. But the publication of my next novel is a big deal, to me.) 

Where did the idea come from?  For several years I worked as an entertainer on tour busses heading to casinos in Minnesota and Wisconsin.  Approximately thirty minutes before the bus arrived at its destination, the tour host would introduce me. I’d stand up at the front of the bus, microphone in hand.  I’d do my stand-up comedy routine until we arrived at the casino.  Truthfully, they were some of my best shows.  Comedy is meant to be intimate and the smaller the room, the better the performance. You can’t get too much closer to an audience than being in an interior of a bus. On the way to the casino, everyone was in a great mood.  Happy, chatty, hopeful, all of them convinced they would hit the jackpot.  On the way back, not so much. The mood was much different and as an entertainer you learned to sit at the back of the bus, hidden behind a newspaper.  Although some folks did come out a winner, most did not.  Still, time and again I’d see the same people riding the bus, hoping to make their dreams come true. I too am a gambler and usually lost most of my comedy salary at whatever casino we landed at. Still, I look back at those days as some of the best days of my life. And because I always thought it would be fun to be a tour host, I eventually became one via my book. My main character is Betty Chance, whose husband left her for an older, fatter woman.   She’s broke, unemployed but a strong believer in Oprah’s “do what you love and the money will follow” philosophy.  Because Betty loves to both gamble and eat, she opens not only a tour business that specializes in casino junkets, but reviews casino buffets on her blog.

What genre best defines this book? This is a traditional mystery with a touch of culinary mystery to spice it up.

Which Actors would play roles? Cathy Bates, Camryn Manheim, or Octavia Spencer as Betty.  For the role of the mind reader/ casino entertainer Boris? I’d choose Daniel Craig. Of course the character looks nothing like Daniel Craig or even remotely acts like him. That casting and it’s subsequent fantasy casting couch is just for me and me alone. Sigh.

What is a one-sentence synopsis of the book? Know what? I haven’t even thought about how to condense it…so I won’t. But it’s about being left in your fifties, reclaiming yourself, the importance of friendship, gambling,losses, murder, and of course, all-you-can eat buffets. 

Will it be self-published or represented by a traditional agent? It is being published by Forty Press. I submitted to them directly, via a recommendation that I do so by Once Upon A Crime’s Pat Frovarp.

How long did it take to write the first draft? Probably around a year.

Who or what inspired writing the book? I have no idea why I keep on writing books that until now did now sell. I have had very little success commercially, a few short stories here and there. Oh, and HOTDISH TO DIE FOR which has sold a remarkable 25,000 copies…pretty good for a self-published collection of short stories. I earned way more with comedy than I ever did with writing.  And according to my husband,  I would have earned way a regular, 9 to 5 job.  But, being a writer is just what I am.  It’s in my DNA, and though I have fought it all my life by not doing it, the urge to scribble pops up every now and then. It’s kind of like this creative virus that lives on its own, saying “look at me” every once in a while.

Side Note:  I couldn’t convince any of my friends to do The Next Big Thing interview, not one. Why?  I found out they’ve already been asked by other writers to do it, and most of them did.  Once again, I was the last girl to be invited to the prom. Still, you may want to read their entertaining blogs.  Anne Frasier Aka Theresa Weir’s Monkey with A Pen, Marilyn Victor’s Backyard Views, Sujata Massey’s blog, and Barbara Lindquist Schlichting’s First Lady Blog

Ten months later....and?????

Yep, I have pulled an Oprah and have gained much of my weight back. The exact gain?  I have no idea..the last time I weighed it was 20 pounds.  That was a few weeks ago.  Am I fasting again?  No, but as always I am struggling with my weight.  I wake up every morning vowing to be count calories, count carbs, exercise, locate Josh Holloway and ask why he is not in every movie that is made because frankly, he should be.

It's amazing that in my 60s I have come to the realization that - after living my entire life in obesity - that I  just eat too much.  As soon as the Atkins diet came in my life, in my 20s, I decided that calories didn't matter. That's what the book said.   And somewhere, I must have read that I needed 3,000 calories to maintain my weight because I swear, that is what I have always thought I needed.

Bottom line - according to My Plate, a $2.99  I downloaded for my iPad, I only need 2045 calories a day to maintain my weight as I live my totally sedentary lifestyle.

2000 calories???? WTF???? That's nothing.  A typical breakfast that I love to order contains 1200 calories...two eggs, sausage links, hashbrown, ketchup,  buttered toast with jam, coffee with cream. Oh, and a bit of orange juice to fight off scurvy. (Have you ever met anyone that says "I suffer from scurvy?").  I ate this particular breakfast in Chicago diners for most of my twenties.  It is still my favorite meal - and if you add biscuits and gravy, well I am in relocated Hillbilly Heaven. 

I rarely eat out anymore.  My typical breakfast now is two sausage patties served with five egg whites.  A total of 250 calories. One fifth of the calories I need if I want to loose 2 pounds a week. But I have always had a problem with food.  When I look at a cake, I often wonder why they bother to cut it into slices? 

Once again, I have no idea where I am going with this weight issue of mine. But, I want this blog to me more than weight because frankly, I am more than just what I weigh. (Although, for some reason, many people in my life have never gotten over my weight.)

 But if I want to stop  stuffing myself, I have to find another alternative.  Maybe I will just stuff my blog instead.

Day After My Thirty Day Fast

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I weighed the same as yesterday.  I lost 25.8 during my thirty day juice fast.  I am completely, and utterly happy about it  

Because I did a  60 day juice fast before, I had no idea if the weight would come off as quickly.  During the first month of my last endeavor, I lost 28 pounds. The three pound difference this time around is barely noticeable.

I am also very happy that it is over.  I have missed food, missed parts of my social life and for some reason this time around, I found I couldn't focus.  During my 60 day fast, I was unbelievably prolific, writing four short stories, setting up a  website, creating new avenues of marketing my work and managing to do a few performances. (Not so much for a twenty-year old, but I am in my early 60s).   I think that I was just so freaked out that I wouldn't have food for what seemed an eternity, that I needed to find an outlet.

This time around, not so much.  From day one, I realized 30 days isn't that long.  After all I had gone without solid food for two months. In fact, ruminated about the end being just around the corner.  So I shuffled my feet, and basically catnapped during these last 4 weeks.  I am pretty sure, because of that, I will probably not do another extended fast for quite a while.

But I am going to keep juicing in my life.  I believe what Joe Cross said about micronutrients. Mean Green will now be my cocktail of choice. And I may end up replacing juice for one meal a day, or two.  Or I may end up doing a fast for five days or one day.  But, actually right now I don't know. At the moment I am tired of rules and want to become the rebel that I was born to be.  (Not too exciting.  At my age being a rebel means refusing to renew your AARP membership,)

So, I am going to take a few days off from the blog.  I need to process some things that have been going on in my life.  Plus, I need to figure out exactly how much I have lost since my highest weight (I think it's 59.25 pounds)  and what my new goal is gong to  be.  I will post all of that, plus what I actually weigh now in a few days.  

I am off for a mini-vacation, having no performance commitments for the next few weeks.  Last night's show was incredible.  I actually had a partner for a quarter of my stand-up act.  Just this sweet, intoxicated gentleman who decided to stand next to me while I performed.  He was adorable in his cowboy hat and wide smile.  At first I was kind of shocked when he came up to me, but since the crowd seemed to enjoy it I just went with it.  What ever happened, happened.  I wasn't worried at all and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I could tell he sincerely wanted to encourage me.  He was like this tipsy Uncle who loved you unconditionally.  It turned out to be one of the best performances of my career.

And right now, with my weight?  I'm not worried about it either.  I'm just going to flow with whatever comes my way.  I doubt if there will be a drunken Uncle pointing out what foods to eat.  But, the one thing I will remember is the one that I keep forgetting.  Happiness is the sign that I'm doing something right. Sadness is the sign, that you are not.

Thank you for reading my posts.  This blog has been the reason I have stayed on track for the last 31 days.

Day 30:  Day after my juice fast/back on solid foods/stayed the same/-25.8 Total Loss

Quote for the day:    "Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all -" Emily Dickinson

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

and more

Day 30: Down -1.2/-25.8 total LAST DAY OF MY JUICE FAST!!!!

Whoppie!  I made my twenty-five pound lost goal.  My next goal is to lose an additional 29 pounds and I will weigh what I did in the 80s. In fact, since I no longer have the 80s Big Hair look and the weight of the twelve tons of hairspray it took to achieve it, I will actually be a little smaller than the scale shows.

I have additional weight to lose, but not that much.  In fact, if I lose the 29 pounds, I would be in the Overweight range on the BMI charts, not classified as obese, or morbidly obese as I was at my highest point.  And for me, that's good enough for now.  In fact, it will be fantastic.

But the loss I have achieved so far has made my life so much easier.  I carry all of my weight in my belly. At my highest, it was almost impossible to fit behind a steering wheel.  I couldn't walk up more than one flight of stairs without panting.  I couldn't walk around the block.  I actually found size 4X's when I search my clothing this past week for Salvation Army donations.  

Now I can easily walk an hour on the treadmill.  I bound up and down the stairs.  By Spring, I will have to buy an entirely new wardrobe.  And I won't have to do it at a plus-size clothing store.  (But God Bless them for existing.  Roamans, Catherines, and Lane Bryant understand that big girls do like style and color!)

In fact, the next addiction I may have to face might be a shopping addiction.  I've never been a shopper, preferring to grab things at a yard sale, thrift store, or online.  But, I've never been able to shop with ease, either.  Every potential purchase was filled with anxiety.  Will the garment fit? Will I  have to move up a size?  Will I look ridiculous?  Can a heavy women wear this?  And eventually, maybe I could get this in black?

I think I'll go for that Betty White look in her show Hot In Cleveland -- comfortable, casual cotton pastel jogging suits with a hoodie , complete with lots of rhinestones and sparkly things.  In fact, I've already ordered my BeDazller.  But, that's just what us senior women learn to do. We decorate our bodies and finally admit, there's just no time to iron.

Day 30:  Last day of only juice/Down 1.2 /-25.8 total Loss

Quote for the day:  "Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade." Rudyard Kipling

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

and more

Day 29: Up .2/-24.6 total/ Counting hours instead of days now

It's forty hours until the stroke of midnight tomorrow evening, my final day of this 30 day juice fast.  But, I won't be waiting breathlessly for the clock to strike while holding a family-sized bucket of KFC.  Instead, I will be in a hotel bed, fast asleep.

What do I plan to eat for my very first solid meal the following morning?  Fresh fruit salad like I did on my last fast. 

 I will be on the road tomorrow for a couple of days, doing my gig as a comedian at a holiday party for construction workers. The event is being held in a conference room in one of my favorite casinos, with one of my favorite buffets. (Translation:  any casino/any buffet.)  

But it's work and amazingly I have rules.  I don't gamble where I perform.  I also make it a rule not to eat at any venue where someone from the audience could see me beforehand.  Entertainers talk about keeping up a "Wall" between you and the audience until the show is over.  For me,  it is more than that.  It's all the shame I've felt as a fat girl when eating in public.  I've felt shame if ate normally, as well.  And as a teen, I was too embarrassed to order a salad. I worried that if I did, the waitress would figure out that I was fat.  And when I would finally say screw it all and ordered whatever I wanted, eventually I'd drown in a tidal wave of guilt.

I think all that shame and guilt spurred on my compulsive eating.  Today I found an old diary from 28 years ago.  As always, I was bemoaning my weight on paper, trying another new diet and vowing to exercise it off.  What is interesting to me is that what I weighed then is my goal weight now.  

But looking back is easy.  Planning for today and tomorrow takes work.  Not only do I want to lose the extra weight, but I want to lose the shame attached to both being obese and having once been obese.  Some of the most fantastic and beautiful people I have known and idolized were extra-large.  And some of meanest were downright skinny.  

What really counts for all of us is what is on the inside.  I am working on improving that as well, although an hour of aerobics is a hell of a lot easier.

Day 29:  Juicing like a timekeeper/Up .2/ -24.6 total

Quote for the day:  "It's never to late to live happily ever after." Unknown.

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

and more

Day 28: down .2/-24.8 total/ 2 more days!

I use to belong to a weight support group where we announced our loss or gain after a weigh-in.  If you stayed the same, the group would respond in unison, "At least it wasn't a gain."

Being on this juice fast, I have to remind myself the same thing when I have a tiny loss.  Losing weight on a JF, watching the pounds melt away quickly makes you spoiled.  I remember on my 60 day juice fast that I lost two pounds over night.  It was early on in the fast and I didn't realize the weight loss would slow down.  I quickly calculated that, if I did the same every day for the rest of my fast, I'd lose 116 pounds in 58 days.  I was actually disappointed the next day when I lost only 1.5 pounds.

Disappointed at 1.5 pounds in one day?  If I did that in a week on a regular diet, I'd be thrilled.

My original 60 day fast ended up in a 40.5 weight loss.  Know what?  If I did that in a year on any other diet, I'd be excited.  Was I disappointed that I didn't lose 116 pounds in 60 days?  Of course not.  In fact, I had forgotten about my misguided and over-the-top expectations until today.

For me, I've found the best way for me to lose weight, or do anything, is to start out being grateful and stay that way.  I originally had 100 pounds to lose when I started fasting, but  I was thankful I wasn't facing 101 or  even 401 pounds to lose. Why I never moved into the super-obese neighborhood is beyond my comprehension. I certainly tried.

My arms and legs may be chubby, but I have all of them and they work well.  I have a heart condition, but it is mild. And even at my age, my eyes must be perfect.  They can see a piece of  Toblerone within a one-mile radius.

Day 28:  Living on juice/Down.4/Total loss 24.8/

Quote for the day:  "When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." Willie Nelson

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

and more

Day 27: Down 1.2/ 24.6 Total loss/Don't Go In The Basement!

If you do, you'll probably see me.  Ever have one of those days when you want to avoid the world?  It's one of those days for me.  A hermit lifestyle always has always tempted me.  In my fantasy, I'd live in the woods, weave my own cloth, grow my own food, and have 'No Trespassing Signs' posted every three feet.  But, all of my plants die a quick death. If I did manage to make material from whatever, I would't know what to do with it. I can't even sew. My husband takes his shirts to the Sew What shop to have a button sewn on.  I've never, ever spent a night alone in the country because I would be terrified.  I can't even stay in a Marriott Hotel without shaking in my watched-too-many Oprah shows Ugh boots.

It's just that the thought of being a herman calms me.  It's sort of like a meditation.  My mantra is that when it all gets too hard, I could get away from it all, forever.  In three days, I will be able to get away from juice fasting for a while.  That thought calms me when I get a bit too anxious about not having solid foods.  But being on a juice fast is amazingly calming.  Maybe it's because all those chemicals, preservatives, food coloring are not racing through my body.

Or maybe it's because taking care of myself gives me a little peace.

Day 25:  Living on juice/Down 1.2/Total loss 24. 6/

Quote for the day:  "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I  rebuilt my life." J.K. Rowling 

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Who Died In Here?
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

The Silence of the Loons

Resort To Murder

Once Upon a Crime Anthology and more

Day 26: Down - 2.4/Total Loss -23.4/ 4 DAYS LEFT TO JUICE!

Actually, it's four and half.  Like before, I am going to enjoy not being on a fast.  I like food a lot.  I also like socializing with my friends.  I love cooking and cruising the web for recipes. Some of them I will even try to replicate.  I adore cooking shows.  And I managed to do every single thing I love while juicing.  The only thing I didn't do was eat. 


But, there is a lot I like about being on a juice fast.  I've learned to love the taste of the juice.  The once time a week or so, when I actually put something in my juice (a dash of Louisiana Hot Sauce) you'd think I was diving face first into a whipped cream cake.  I like being in control and not having to worry about what I will be eating for the day.  I won't be eating.  I like the weight loss. And, I love the energy that comes from fasting.  But most importantly, I love the results.


I am a betting woman. I visit Vegas annually, go to local casinos and have been to the track a few times.  If a Vegas bookmaker would have given me a chance to bet on me when I started my first 60 days juice fast, I'd be rich right now.  I would have placed $100 for 100 to 1 odds against me.  Most of my friends would have as well.


But, for some reason, a juice fast  connects with my body and spirit.  It is the easiest weight loss I have ever achieved.  Am I worried about once I get off the fast?  You bet I am.  But this time, I'd place a wager on me to win.


Day 26:  Living on juice/Down .8/Total loss 23. 4/


Quote for the day:  "Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says, I'm possible!" Audrey Hepburn

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Who Died In Here?
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

The Silence of the Loons

Resort To Murder

Once Upon a Crime Anthology and more

Day 25: Down - 2.4/Total Loss -22.6/ Off The Rollercoaster

Or at least it feels that way. 2.4 pounds is a heck of a lot of weight to lose in a single day.  It well makes up for the last two days, where I gained.  What I have learned with this plan is to stick with it and eventually it will be okay.


My husband asked me today if the sweater I was wearing was new.  Nope, I told him, it's ten year old.  It's one of the many items I purchased thinking ,"It is so cute. I'll just lose enough weight to eventually  fit into it."  I literally have an entire closet filled with 'eventual' clothes.  It's been fun to finally fit into a few of them.  I feel like I must have been psychic when I predicted correctly I would be wearing them some day.  


I just didn't know it would take me decades to do so.  And in case you're wondering – yes, some of them are floral dresses with shoulder pads wider than a Green Bay Packer's.  It's the look that any Sugarbaker would have been proud to carry off.


(Gosh, I miss Designing Women.  They should bring the show back and call it Designing Seniors.)

Day 24:  Living on juice/Down 2.4/Total loss 22.6

Quote for the day:  ""Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Anonymous

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Who Died In Here?
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

The Silence of the Loons

Resort To Murder

Once Upon a Crime Anthology and more

Day 24: + .6/Total Loss -20.2/ Oh well.

My weight has gone up, then down and then up again in the last three days.  If you're new to a juice fast, this happens.  I just have to hang in there.  It's only seven days until I eat solid food again.

I remember my last fast when I did sixty days. I didn't know what would happen when I bit into solid food for the first time. I suppose I was expecting heralding trumpets to begin as soon as I tasted the scrambled eggs. I assumed I would swoon in ecstasy as  if Daniel Craig was sitting across my me, wearing nothing but a..wait, a minute. I will leave it at wearing nothing.

But instead?  Absolutely nothing happened, except I was chewing instead of eating.  I didn't jump up and down in excitement.  I didn't call all of my friends and scream, "My mouth is so full and happy!"  I actually kind of lost interest in the dish very quickly.

That really shocked me.  Maybe my body was reminding me food is just food.  It's me who attaches any emotion to it.  And like anything, some emotions are good.  But, some emotions are very destructive.  Frankly, if I could choose,  I'd rather it be a  roller coaster concerning my weight loss, rather than a much scarier ride of emotions.

Day 23:  Living on juice/Up .6/total loss 20.2

Quote for the day:  "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt.

Pat Dennis
Corporate comedian and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Who Died In Here?
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

The Silence of the Loons

Resort To Murder

Once Upon a Crime Anthology and more

Day 23 .8 pds lost/20.8 total/ Can't fit into an outfit properly!

And this time it is because it is way, way too big.  My trusty black velvet performance ensemble that has seen me through multiple sizes is no longer wearable.  I have lost enough weight that the once tight elastic waistband now droops down on my hips.  If I thought there was a chance I would become a rapper, I'd keep them.  But, as far as I know, there is no interest in hip hop artists who show their grannie panties.

I needed this boost today, as I do every day.  The monotony of my diet is mind-numbing at times.  And there is always temptation lurking around every corner.  Everywhere I look these days, there seems to be food.  Even at the library, someone next to me was quietly munching on a Snickers bar.  If my addiction were alcohol, I'd avoid bars until I could handle being in one.  Facing my addiction to food means confronting the issue everywhere.  There is no escape.  So basically, even morning when I wake up, I  put on my imaginary suit of armor and  'woman-up' to face the world.

After I finish this 30 day fast, I will own up to how much more I would like to lose, and how much I lost on both juice fasts.  I feel bad that I haven't posted before and midway after pictures, but I am waiting until the end.  When I fasted the first time, I found many YouTube videos of folks who followed Joe and Phil's example and were doing a 60 day fast. They uploaded daily, and I watched them every single day.  For a change, I really believed them when they inevitably said, "If I can do this, anybody can this."

And believe me when I say this :  If I can do this fast two times, much less doing it once, anyone can do it.  In fact, anyone can do almost anything.

Day 22: still juicing/ .8 pds lost today/ 20.8 pds total

Quote for the day:  "All our dreams come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney.

Pat Dennis
Corporate entertainer and author:
Hotdish To Die For
Hotdish Haiku
Who Died In Here?
Stand-Up and Die
Anne Frasier's Deadly Treats 

The Silence of the Loons

Resort To Murder

Once Upon a Crime Anthology and more